  
 
316 Mid Valley Center, Ste 188
Carmel, CA 93923
Phone: (831) 440 - 8834
 |
| |
|
|
|
|
Published Articles
Breast Cancer
This month’s article is not going to be about fitness. I
have been asked to write about another subject, cancer.
Since, May 2006 I have been dealing with cancer myself.
I have had three surgeries, eight rounds of
chemotherapy, six weeks of radiation and all the side
affects that go with these treatments. So, I definitely
am an expert on what is truly helpful and what can be
hurtful to a person dealing with this disease or any
other major health crisis.
People want to be helpful when they hear someone they
know is dealing with cancer. What is important is that
you be specific with what you are going to be helpful
with if you offer help. A lot of people will say “call
me if you need anything” even though they may sincerely
mean this, most people dealing with a major illness
aren’t likely to pick up the phone and ask for help. A
better offer would be “I would like to bring dinner over
this week to help you out. What day would be good for
you?” You could also take the initiative and organize a
group of people to bring dinner for an extended period.
Connie Goddard did this for me. She had people from
Summit Riders bring us dinner for a week after my main
surgery. What a great treat that was.
Ask what days you can drive the person to their doctor’s
appointments. There are a lot of appointments and having
to drive while you are sick from the chemotherapy or
just plain tired can be difficult. Do some grocery
shopping for the person while you are doing your own.
Running errands can be a big help.
Maybe you work and can’t help with cooking or driving.
Do you have some other specific knowledge or service you
could offer? Teresa Scagliotti CFP, another friend and
mountain resident made sure our wills and financial
matters were in order before I went in for my surgery.
This gave me peace of mind that if something went wrong
during the surgery I wouldn’t leave loose ends for
others to clean up.
Just sending a card, e-mail or phone call conveying your
support is very much appreciated. I have kept all the
correspondence I received from people during this time
and truly cherish their kind words.
When speaking with someone dealing with a major illness
remember they are the same person that they always were
and their personality and beliefs haven’t changed. Don’t
assume that because they have cancer you should treat
them differently. The last thing a person wants is to be
defined as a cancer victim. The person has a disease,
they aren’t the disease and you can’t catch it from
them.
Letting the person talk about how they are feeling, if
they want to, will give you insight as to how they are
coping emotionally. By being a good listener you will
hopefully take more time with your questions and
responses to the person. I certainly don’t mind people
asking me about how I’m feeling or what treatments are
like. The more information I can share with people, if
they want to know, may help them in the future.
Having a positive attitude is so important and if you
have people around that are negative it can be very
harmful. Here are some things you should steer clear of
when talking with someone dealing with a major disease.
Don’t bring up your aunt Betty who died 10 years ago and
go into detail about all of her suffering or your cousin
that had cancer but changed her wicked ways and was
cured. Don’t impose your beliefs or negative experiences
on the person. This isn’t support and it is not helpful.
Don’t tell them to rest and take time off. The last
thing a person needs is time to sit around and dwell on
their illness. You are dealing with a person that has
their own way of coping with illness and is probably a
normal adult with normal intelligence, not a person that
needs to be told how they should feel or what they
should do.
Don’t compare their illness to some non-medical crisis
in your life. My niece Jessica’s husband Glenn died of
leukemia 2 ½ years ago leaving her a single parent of
three toddlers. An acquaintance of hers compared her
divorce, the death of her marriage, to Glenn’s death and
actually implied Jessica was better off than she. How
self-centered is that!!! It is amazing what can come out
of a person’s mouth.
Fear and lack of knowledge seem to drive many of the
inappropriate comments people make. One way to avoid
this situation is to educate yourself about the person’s
illness. There are many websites that offer information
in plain English about every disease you can think of.
Do some research to find out more information about the
person’s specific disease if you don’t know much about
it.
No one plans to get cancer or have any other major
illness but it happens. Being positive, without being
over-the-top cheery, staying in contact and being
sensitive to the person’s personality, beliefs and
feelings are the keys to being supportive and helpful
when someone needs it most. |
|
Breast Cancer
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
February 2007
September 2007
December 2008
Receive Updates
Stay current, stay connected. Sign-Up. |
|
|
